Life in OM

Life in OM: Moving House (or Cleaning it)

 

Have you seen that show Hoarders?  I haven't watched it but the advertisements make my skin crawl. I honestly don't know how people live with tons of crap.

In the past 10 years I have moved 6 times- the 6th time this past week. It's not really a conscious decision to keep moving but it just happened to work out that way. With each move I found I was throwing more stuff out and moving less and less. At that point in my life,  I was practicing non-attachment and didn't even know it.

Now I'm not saying go out and get rid of all of your things but every 6 or 12 months take inventory of what you have and decide if it's something you need or is it just taking up space.

Clutter makes your life and your space messy and complicated. You know that great feeling you have after cleaning out your closet- that's how it feels when your surroundings are clean, simple and organized.

Here are a few tips for keeping things uncomplicated:

Books, DVD's, CD's or any other kind of Media- Lord of the Rings was so cool when it first came out but four years later How to Speak Elvish is just not getting that much face time. So if you haven't picked it up in a year or you've lost interest in it, sell it.  Amazon makes it so simple to sell your unwanted items and you can make quite a few dollars doing it.

Clothes- I used to be one of those people that kept everything. It either belonged to the school of one day I'll fit into it or I'll hold on to it just in case I need a bigger size. Living in the present moment is not just about your mental state, it's also about your wardrobe.  If it doesn't fit and it hasn't in a year get rid of it.  If you owned it when you were 18- bin it. If you look at it and cannot understand for the life of you why you bought it, say goodbye.  But don't throw your clothes or shoes out. Put them in bags and donate them. There are drop off bins everywhere and there is always someone who could use them.

Furniture: Is it old, ratty or a horrifying shade of hot pink?  Do you have TV's from the black and white era?  Is your garage full of bikes that never get ridden? Throw away the old stuff and give what's in decent shape to goodwill.

Cleaning house is really about taking stock of your life. Where are you now?  How different are you from the person you were 2, 3 or 5 years ago. The past is gone and letting go of it also means letting go of the physical clutter that comes with it. 

Remember you are not tossing away the memorable stuff just the junk that you've been carrying with you. Take a moment to really look around your home  - what are the things you really need versus the stuff that's just taking up space.

I thought I had really made progress in 10 years and I still had 25 bags of donations and trash this time around. Not to mention I have sold over $500 in books, cd's and dvd's I no longer use.

You don't have to trash your whole house but see if there are little steps you can start to take to simplify your life. Remember once you de-clutter the physical,  the mental is soon to follow!

Life in OM: I'll Be Happy When...

 

 

I'll be happy when I'm rich.

I'll be happy when I've lost 20 pounds.

I'll be happy when I find someone and get married.

I'll be happy when I've had kids.

I'll be happy when said kids go to college.

I'll be happy when I get a better job.

I'll be happy when I go on vacation.

I'll be happy when I get a new car.

I'll be happy when I've finished school.

I'll be happy when I move away from here.

 

See a pattern here?

Basing your happiness on some external source that might happen is a waste of your energy and only leads to disappointment.

Why disappointment? As soon as you achieve whatever you thought it was that would make you happy, you realize you're still unhappy. So you move on to the next thing that will guarantee happiness and that doesn't work either.

It doesn't matter where you go or what you achieve,  if you don't know to look for happiness within,  you are always going to be relentlessly searching for it.

It's a vicious cycle that many of us end up in for most of our lives

Happiness comes from within. Do you see the glass half full or half empty?

Each of us has many things to be grateful for. Even if your situation is bleak there is always something to be thankful for.

We are all complete beings as we are and we all have the means to be happy- it's just a choice.

During this week of giving thanks,  have gratitude for all that you have,  rather than chasing after things that you think will make your life better.

Hopefully, it will put a smile on your face and true happiness in your heart.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

 

 

Life in OM: Who Cares?!

Ok, I realize it may sound flippant, insensitive, and detached but a lot of us would fare much better in this life if every now and again we gave it a big WHO CARES!!

Obviously I'm not speaking of the important things like your health, your loved ones or the environment.

I'm talking about the person who didn't park within the lines, the person who forgot to invite you to a meeting, and the one who left the coffee pot empty.

Honestly,  if you let yourself be affected by all these little things, you will be one big, miserable mess.

What's the sense in getting outraged by your colleague down the hall who didn't come by and say hello, or the not so nice email from a co-worker who was having a crappy morning or maybe even with yourself for eating a dessert at lunch.

Seriously, you have better things to do then to allow yourself to get stressed about these things.

I've even developed a small test for this kind of thing,  I call it "The 100 years test".

In 100 years I'll be dead and will it really matter that someone forgot to make a new pot of coffee - probably not so much!!

It's a great litmus test to see what you should actually be concerned about and what you can just give a big WHO CARES!!!! to.

Life is too short to let the little things make you miserable. Remember you create your own happiness and you decide what's important!!

Life in OM: Happy? Miserable? It's Your Choice

 

Life is unfair.

Really, it is.

The thought might leave you feeling powerless, deflated, defeated.

Never fear though, you have a power mightier than anything life can throw at you: the power of choice.

You can choose to react without thinking, you can choose to let something eat at you,  you can choose to become angry, you can choose to be miserable.

Or you can choose to stay calm, you can choose to take a breath and think before reacting, you can choose to walk away, you can choose to look at things positively, you can choose to find joy whenever you can.

Take a moment to think about all the things that weigh you down. Ultimately, you have a choice whether you are going to let them affect you negatively or positively.

Example #1, you're driving to work when someone cuts you off. They pull up next to you, screaming that you were driving too slow and call you a terrible name before driving off. 

You have the choice to scream right back, get completely stressed out, let it put you in a foul mood, and ruin your morning as you spend hours ruminating over the incident.  Meanwhile the guy calling you names has forgotten all about it.

Or you can take a deep breath, choose not to react, let him scream and yell as you drive off. You have chosen to remain calm, you have chosen not to let something so trivial effect your entire mind and body, you have chosen to walk (or drive) away.

Example #2- something a bit more tragic. You get dumped. You have every right to feel sadness, anger, betrayal...the list goes on and on. There are countless emotions you will go through and you need to feel every one of them. Remember that choice is not denial. We have feelings and we need to let ourselves sit with them.

But that doesn't mean we want to wallow in them. There will come a point where you will choose to become negative, choose to feel sorry for yourself, choose to mope around being miserable.

Or you can choose to move on, choose to look at the break-up as a positive force for change in your life, choose to let you inner happiness and self love shine through, choose to find someone else or not. 

Choosing to be your own source of happiness and contentment is not easy. You need to learn to not react to every conflict and that takes practice. It also takes some getting to know yourself. You need to be able to step outside your current situation and try to look at it from a different perspective.

The best way to start to do this is through spending some time just sitting alone, quietly, doing nothing but breathing, otherwise known as Meditation. I'll save Meditation basics for another post but for now just try to take 5 minutes in the morning to sit and breath without distraction.

Then start to pay attention. There are countless moments during the course of our lives where we can choose to make ourselves miserable or choose to protect our contentment.

You create and take away your own happiness, no person or thing can do that to you unless you let it.

It's your choice.

Life in OM: Be Flexible

You have a goal, a dream, something you long to achieve. You have figured out exactly how you are going to accomplish your desire. You have created a detailed plan, a direct route and you are committed. You are going to walk that straight line from point A to point B and achieve. (it's never that easy!)

Imagine yourself standing there looking at this maze, knowing that in the middle lies your dream.

Pretty daunting.

You know that the fastest most direct route to your goal is walking in that straight line, following your plan to the letter.   

Unfortunately after about 5 steps you're going to smack right into a wall. Does your dream die there because you are unable to move forward?  Is the goal left incomplete because you are determined to walk that straight line.

Let's hope not.

Letting go of our well thought out plan or our idea of how things should be can be extremely difficult. However, if we refuse,  we find ourselves continually banging our head against a wall, pouring our energy into it while our goals remain unattainable.

So your options are to remain stuck with your plan or begin to practice flexibility. Turn right or maybe turn left either way you start to make your way around the walls and closer to whatever it is you are trying to achieve. The key here is directing your energy towards the open path while being flexible enough to move around your obstacles.

You may even find out that your goal morphs into something completely different as you embark on your journey or maybe it stays exactly the same but you would have never guessed in a million years that you would have accomplished it the way you did.  

For example, lets say you want to live and work in California and you currently reside in Florida. You can send out 100 resumes, go for a job interview, get a job and move. It's very linear and straightforward and sometimes this is the way it happens.

Sometimes it's not so clear. Maybe you really want to live and work there but you just can't afford to move on your own or you're having a hard time finding work. Give up?

What if you look for a job in Florida that has an office in California, maybe you can transfer, maybe they send you out there quite a bit so you get a much better idea of what your striving for. What if while you're doing all of this you become friends with someone in the company or at the gym who's from California and wants to move back. You might have the potential for a roommate or a romance but things start happening for you.

You are directing your energy towards your goal but you are open to all the weird and wonderful opportunities life sometimes throws in front of us.

Hindsight is always 20/20. Think about where you are in your life. Now think about all the decisions you made that brought you to this moment. How did you end up here? Every yes and no, every left and right turn has led you to where you are right now.

Plans are good and sometimes necessary but we need to know when to stop walking that straight line and allow for some flexibility. We direct our energy towards our goals with openness and life will do the rest.

 

 

Life in OM: One Thing at a Time

Sometimes I feel as though my life is like going to the grocery store for a major shopping trip with no list.

I end up getting or doing things that I don't really need and I completely forget the important items.

Having a list doesn't mean I'm organized either. It just means I have a very long list of a hundred things to do and no idea what to start with first. Basically an out of control shopping list that's ten pages long!

To-do lists are extremely useful but I am finding that you really need two different types. First, you need to have one where you just write down things as they come into your head. If you want to break them up into categories fine, if it's more of a stream of consciousness that's fine too.  

I keep small notebook for this. I use it for to-do's and for anything else I come across that I want to remember later on. For example, if I see something useful I want to add to my website, I write it down. If I see a yoga article I want to share I write down the web address. It's a multifunction notebook.

The second list you need are the things you are going to accomplish today and just today. You can pull them off your big list or they can be totally new. My Smartphone has a great Notes feature where I can use my stylus as a pen and scribble away.

At night I write down 3-6 things I will accomplish the next day. I do this at night otherwise my sleep will be interrupted by intermittent bursts of trying to remember what I have to do the next morning. So I get it out of my head and onto my phone.

The key for this to be successful is focusing on one thing and finishing those particular tasks that you have assigned to yourself for that day. Don't bounce back and forth between them and DO NOT MULTITASK.

Yoga and Meditation teach us to focus on the present moment with clarity and balance. Moving from one task to another and back again is distracting and scatters our energy. Decide what you are going to work on, pour your attention and energy into that task, complete it successfully and then move on to the next. 

Don't fret if this doesn't come easy to you at first. We are a culture that is in a constant state of stimulation and shifting our minds to just one thing can be very challenging.

Just as it's impossible to have a perfect yoga practice or meditation session, this process won't be flawless but you do the best you can. If you get interrupted or distracted  or things just get a little out of your control - sit back, take a few deep breaths and get right back to it.

So recap:

1. Have one device (manual or computerized) to write down all to-do's, ideas or basically anything that pop's into your head that's worth remembering. (You'll sleep better at night!)

2. Have another device (manual or computerized) to write down a few tasks that you can complete in one day.

3. Choose one task and begin.

4. Try to focus yourself and continue to stick with the one task.

5. Complete Task

6. Rinse and Repeat  (Take a few deep breaths and start on task #2)

7. New day, new tasks ( If you didn't finish all your tasks from the previous day, carry them over)

Life in OM: No One Is Coming

A few years ago I picked up A Year of Living Your Yoga: Daily Practices to Shape Your Life by Judith Hanson Lasater. I opened the book to June 26 and read "No one is coming". 

It took my breath away and made my stomach churn at the same time. Although I had always been content living on my own it wasn't until that moment that I realized in some ways I had been waiting rather than living.  Lasater let me off the hook and scared the hell out of me  with four words.

Women have it a bit rough. We're constantly bombarded by stories and images that lead us to believe we are not complete until we have another person in our lives. Even if we overcome that and are content with being alone, part of us might still be holding out for what we think is a requirement.

Once I realized no one was coming, I was empowered. I felt that my life was wholly my own and I needed to enjoy every moment of it. I decided to finally take that trip to England that I had been putting off for years. Two weeks in London all alone and it was one of the best vacations I have ever had.

That trip prompted me to leave a job I was unhappy with and slowly I started moving forward in all the areas of my life where I had been subconsciously waiting.

You don't have to be single to appreciate "No One is Coming". Even if you're with someone, they are not there to make you happy. You need to seek out the things you love whether you share your life with someone or not. Don't put yourself on hold. As Ms Lasater stated so wisely "Salvation comes from no one else...it comes from within."  So stop waiting..Go Now...Live! 

Take Your Eye Off the Prize

I was reading a blog entry over at Yoga for Cynics and they referred to this great little Zen parable that I thought I would share.

A Zen student approached his teacher, and asked the Zen Master:
"If I work very hard and diligent how long will it take for me to find enlightenment."
The Master thought about this, then replied, "Ten years."
The student then said, "But what if I work very, very hard and really apply myself to learn fast -- How long then ?"
Replied the Master, "Well, twenty years."
"But, if I really, really work at it. How long then ?" asked the student.
"Thirty years," replied the Master.
"Every time that I say I will work harder, you say it will take me longer! "said the disappointed student. Why do you say that ?"
The Master Replied:" When you have one eye on the goal, you only have one eye on the path."

I am reminded that it is natural and healthy to have goals, to want to achieve something in your life but sometimes we get so wrapped up in the conclusion that we forget to enjoy all of the moments leading up to it. We convince ourselves that we won't be happy unless there is a quick successful outcome. We give the goal too much power in our lives. I know it's hard to believe but there is such a thing as trying too hard.

Whether your goal is to finish school, plan a wedding or raise a child take some time out to enjoy your journey. Once a moment is gone it can't be repeated, so savor each of them!

What Can You Expect?

You may ask yourself, why is life so frustrating?  There may be a host of reasons why you may be down in the dumps but if you take a moment to really sift through your problems you might find that it's your expectations of things that are making you unhappy and not the actual situation.

You expect your new found partner to sweep you off your feet, you expect that your job recognizes your good work and acts accordingly; you expect that your loved ones won't get sick.

I expect that maybe one of these expectations will hold true and I expect that the rest of them will throw you a curveball and bring some unhappiness into your life. 

The expectations don't stop there either. Think about the tiny little everyday things you expect to happen. Your commute to work for instance- you expect it will be free of any delays, like most days. But you just left Rosslyn and the Orange line has different ideas. There’s a train out of commission at Foggy Bottom and your stuck in a subway tunnel 200 feet below the Potomac, let the fun and games begin!

It's taken me a while to learn this lesson but we have to let go. Nothing is absolutely in our control and you cannot stop change from occurring. Don't allow yourself to fall into the trap of creating in your mind what life should be. Life just is.

Now, I'm certainly not saying you shouldn't have goals for yourself but the more malleable you can make those plans, the less chance you will be miserable when you hit a brick wall. Things may not work out exactly according to your timetable but they do work out.

I was reminded today that even when you think an answer will be black or white, you get offered a mucky shade of gray. Life has always defied expectations and it always will. We can either fight it, force our expectations on the unpredictable and be miserable or we can live each moment as it comes. Take what life has to offer and make the absolute best of it that you can. Leave behind your expectations, enjoy the journey and learn to love the color gray