Life in OM

LIfe in OM: Marriage and My Great Responsibility

I'm getting married in 134 days. At least that's what The Knot tells me every time I log on to look at the 5 bazillion things I am supposed to be doing before that day. I am having 15 people at this intimate affair and I honestly have no idea how women do it with hundreds - I guess that's why wedding planners will always have a job.

In all honesty if I wouldn't piss off all 15 guests, I would be one of those people hopping a plane to Maui and The Knot can go fly a kite. I've never been a girly girl and this is like the ultimate girly event and for someone who's normal attire is jeans and whatever I think looks good on top, I am feeling a bit peonied, tuliped and taffetaed out. However, I will save that for another post once I actually have a dress and ceremony/reception site booked. Did I really say 134 days?

On to more serious matters. I have been reading a great book on some things you should know before you actually get wed. Now luckily I have waited until the ripe old age of 34 before starting this adventure and I am extremely happy about that. I have learned tons about myself in the past 10-15 years and there is no way I would have even married me in my 20's.

However, life is a journey and if you're not learning you might as well be dead. So I bought this book to see what wisdom I could get from it.  After all,  I am embarking on new ground. This isn't just living with someone this is living with someone for the rest of my life- that ups the stakes a bit.  

One little nugget of wisdom has been dancing around in my head since I read it so I thought I would write about it here.  You are responsible for your own happiness in your relationship. YOU, no one else.

The more I thought about it  I realized  that it applies whether you're married or single. The difference is when you're single you have an obligation to yourself to be happy,  when you're married that obligation is also to your partner. 

As a husband or a wife it is your duty to do everything in your power to make sure you are happy. Why?  I suppose most of us single,  unhappily married and divorced folks know the answer to this. Because one miserable person can ruin a relationship, especially when the other person has really done nothing wrong.  (Please Note:  Now let me state for the record that this works in those instances where no one has broken a vow but you break a vow and all bets are off.  If you're caught with a deliveryperson, then you're partner can be as unhappy as they like!)

So you if want to go back to school or work - do it. You want to have a few days or hours to yourself -make it happen. You don't like your job- look in to changing it.  Take responsibility of yourself and create your happiness.

How unfair is it of us to be unhappy when we have the power to change it? Even if you cannot do external things to bring you happiness, look within. After all that is where true happiness begins. I have often said to my other half that we could be stuck in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do and I would still be happy. I might not like it but my happiness comes from inside me and I choose it.  The glass is always either half empty or half full.

 Now of course it is my hubby to be's responsibility not to be an ass and he needs to keep himself happy too but just like it's my responsibility not to be a witch and keep myself happy.  When I think about all the unhappy marriages I have encountered,  this is it. This is key.  

So when I get hitched in 134 days, even with my tremendous dislike of lace,  I am going to be certain that I do everything in my power to be happy. I will make sure that I give myself all of the self love that I deserve and in turn I will be a very happy newlywed, able to share all of that love and happiness with my brand new husband. That's you Mr. Price!

Life in OM: Zen and the Art of Planning

We all have some sort of planning system. For years I used Outlook on my computer at work that had a sync to my smart phone. I kept all of my appointments and contacts there. At the time that's all I thought I really needed in order to plan my week. Unfortunately, for security reasons I no longer have the option of using this system at work (no cell phones or syncing to computers allowed!) so I had to look for an alternative.

I really had no idea the meditative and introspective qualities planning has - seriously! It really does and I will explain further.

So I bought a Planner Pad because I had heard very good things about it and it's set up like this:

The top section you list your weekly activities by category, the middle section you put in your daily things to do and then this funnels down to the bottom section where you make the actual appointments. Notes/calls are on the side. There are also pages in the back that are lined to help you track goals etc. At around $25.00 each they aren't bad.

This was the first time in my planning that I sat down and actually thought about all of the different hats I wear and what I had to do for each and that was very beneficial. However, the funneling thing just wasn't working for me which led to me not using the planner as much as I should have. I know some people adore this planner but it just wasn't working with my brain.

Then I moved on to Franklin Covey. I really debated about getting a one year spiral bound planner or buying a really nice binder with their entire Master Planner system.

You see I need as much Master Planning as I can get. Not only do I have a hectic schedule with a full time job, teaching yoga, wellness coaching, taking care of myself and trying to have a relationship but add to that I am trying to plan a wedding for September 2010 and I need a whole hell of a lot of master planning!

First let me say that it is an investment. I spent about $70 total for the binder and the system but I just cannot sing its praises enough.

Here is my very swanky binder and it's not huge, smaller than a sheet of paper but not a pocket size binder.

So what is this Master Planner system and why do I feel like it has brought a sense of Zen to my weekly planning? First, there are sections in the back of the planner that take you through some exercises to realize what your values, mission and goals are. Part of this is determining all of the roles you have.  This is really the backbone of the system and I get to start each week off by filling out one of these:

The first section are the things I am going to so for myself this week, mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Then each section is a particular role I have. HR manager, yoga teacher, wellness coach, student, bride to be, etc.  For each of them I write down the big goals I want to accomplish for just this week. This little guy then goes into my clear bookmark and everyday I open my planner up and am reminded of what I need to do. Then I plan my days accordingly.

It has monthly tabs so I can see each month at a glance and then it has two pages for each day. 
Here I can write in my daily to do's by priority, appointments and any notes I need to write. So I don't have post it's everywhere or need to carry an additional notebook. Everything is right here. There are additional tabs and note pages in the back if I am planning a special project and tons of other little goodies.

So why does this system work for me, maybe its because I take the time to look at what I want to accomplish in the week from all different levels. Then I can take each day as it comes rather than trying to see a whole week at a time.

This system makes me reflect. I take 20 minutes every Sunday to sit down and really evaluate how I am going to take care of myself and what I am going to accomplish in each of my roles for the week. I never get too far ahead of myself and I don't feel overwhelmed. I am also addressing all of the areas of my life, not just the professional ones.

I realize that this system won't work for everyone but I thought I would share how it really has profoundly changed how I do things. I feel that I really have grasped a little bit of Zen when it comes to my organization and planning now.

 

 

Life in OM: Moving House (or Cleaning it)

 

Have you seen that show Hoarders?  I haven't watched it but the advertisements make my skin crawl. I honestly don't know how people live with tons of crap.

In the past 10 years I have moved 6 times- the 6th time this past week. It's not really a conscious decision to keep moving but it just happened to work out that way. With each move I found I was throwing more stuff out and moving less and less. At that point in my life,  I was practicing non-attachment and didn't even know it.

Now I'm not saying go out and get rid of all of your things but every 6 or 12 months take inventory of what you have and decide if it's something you need or is it just taking up space.

Clutter makes your life and your space messy and complicated. You know that great feeling you have after cleaning out your closet- that's how it feels when your surroundings are clean, simple and organized.

Here are a few tips for keeping things uncomplicated:

Books, DVD's, CD's or any other kind of Media- Lord of the Rings was so cool when it first came out but four years later How to Speak Elvish is just not getting that much face time. So if you haven't picked it up in a year or you've lost interest in it, sell it.  Amazon makes it so simple to sell your unwanted items and you can make quite a few dollars doing it.

Clothes- I used to be one of those people that kept everything. It either belonged to the school of one day I'll fit into it or I'll hold on to it just in case I need a bigger size. Living in the present moment is not just about your mental state, it's also about your wardrobe.  If it doesn't fit and it hasn't in a year get rid of it.  If you owned it when you were 18- bin it. If you look at it and cannot understand for the life of you why you bought it, say goodbye.  But don't throw your clothes or shoes out. Put them in bags and donate them. There are drop off bins everywhere and there is always someone who could use them.

Furniture: Is it old, ratty or a horrifying shade of hot pink?  Do you have TV's from the black and white era?  Is your garage full of bikes that never get ridden? Throw away the old stuff and give what's in decent shape to goodwill.

Cleaning house is really about taking stock of your life. Where are you now?  How different are you from the person you were 2, 3 or 5 years ago. The past is gone and letting go of it also means letting go of the physical clutter that comes with it. 

Remember you are not tossing away the memorable stuff just the junk that you've been carrying with you. Take a moment to really look around your home  - what are the things you really need versus the stuff that's just taking up space.

I thought I had really made progress in 10 years and I still had 25 bags of donations and trash this time around. Not to mention I have sold over $500 in books, cd's and dvd's I no longer use.

You don't have to trash your whole house but see if there are little steps you can start to take to simplify your life. Remember once you de-clutter the physical,  the mental is soon to follow!

Life in OM: New Years Goals

 

 

Well it's taken me a while to get back into the swing of things after my two week break in Sedona. Things just move at a much slower pace there and it was a bit of a shock being back in DC.

Now that it's the new year I thought I would take some time to write down my goals for the year. 2010 is going to be challenging for me but I also have loads to look forward to.

Goals for 2010:

1. Live every moment to the max with my soon to be navy hubby before he goes off to England and Afghanistan for 10 months.

2. After surgery last year and losing some of my fitness, committing to a 5 times a week fitness routine.

3. Get back to the basics with my diet. If the earth didn't produce it, I'm not eating it.

4. Get my website online.

5. Get my online business started.

6. Create my own yoga channel.

7. Keep posting on my blog

8. Oh yeah- plan a beautiful small wedding with the help of my wonderful mother.

I already started with eating healthfully and the exercise. We found a wonderful program that incorporated cardio, yoga and weights that is totally kicking my butt. It also helps to have my fiancée doing it with me.

This will hopefully get the body in good shape for our two week Caribbean vacation before he leaves.

Once I'm in DC on my own for a bit, I'll really get a chance to switch gears and focus on my website and business.

So that's the 2010 plan. It's great to write down goals at the beginning of the year and even more throughout. But it's also important to remember that goals are never set in stone and sometimes the journey creates completely new goals you never imagined.

It's a good road map but it's ok if you take some detours or even get lost for a while.

Happy New Year!

The Best of 2009 Blog Challenge, Dec 11, "The Best Place" #best09

December 11 The best place. A coffee shop? A pub? A retreat center? A cubicle? A nook?

(The best date ever because it's my birthday today!)

My best place this year was a newly discovered English pub in Kensington called Earl's Court Tavern. Many a night we found ourselves in this warm, cozy pub having a cider and a traditional ploughman's and fish and chips.

It's a beloved memory of England and it felt like my neighborhood. When we were there it meant we were relaxing and taking some time to just enjoy each other's company before we started out on a fresh new day of our vacation.

Life in OM: I'll Be Happy When...

 

 

I'll be happy when I'm rich.

I'll be happy when I've lost 20 pounds.

I'll be happy when I find someone and get married.

I'll be happy when I've had kids.

I'll be happy when said kids go to college.

I'll be happy when I get a better job.

I'll be happy when I go on vacation.

I'll be happy when I get a new car.

I'll be happy when I've finished school.

I'll be happy when I move away from here.

 

See a pattern here?

Basing your happiness on some external source that might happen is a waste of your energy and only leads to disappointment.

Why disappointment? As soon as you achieve whatever you thought it was that would make you happy, you realize you're still unhappy. So you move on to the next thing that will guarantee happiness and that doesn't work either.

It doesn't matter where you go or what you achieve,  if you don't know to look for happiness within,  you are always going to be relentlessly searching for it.

It's a vicious cycle that many of us end up in for most of our lives

Happiness comes from within. Do you see the glass half full or half empty?

Each of us has many things to be grateful for. Even if your situation is bleak there is always something to be thankful for.

We are all complete beings as we are and we all have the means to be happy- it's just a choice.

During this week of giving thanks,  have gratitude for all that you have,  rather than chasing after things that you think will make your life better.

Hopefully, it will put a smile on your face and true happiness in your heart.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

 

 

Life in Om: Take 5

 

I know it may seem impossible at times but we all have 5 minutes to spare for ourselves during the day.  Some of us might even have 10, but I won't push it.

So you find these 5 minutes, morning is preferable but if you can't do it then just find your spare 5 whenever you can.

Make sure it's quiet. This again may seem like an unattainable feat but seriously, if you have to go lock yourself in the bathroom- do it.

For this entire five minutes you are going to do absolutely nothing. You’re not going to talk, you’re not going to move and most importantly you’re not going to think.

All you're going to do is breathe and listen to your breathe.

Locate some kind of timer or alarm that you can set to go off in 5 minutes; you don't want to be distracted by constantly checking your watch.

Find a comfortable seat in your quiet place and bring yourself to total stillness. This is harder than you think so don't get frustrated but if you want your mind to calm, you have to start with the body.

Now take some deep full breaths. Count to 3 or 4 on the way in and count to 3 or 4 on the way out. When you feel your body begin to relax, return to your normal breath.

If you start thinking about work, the groceries or the 10 other things you could be doing during this time, start up that deep breath with the count again.

If you’re going to think about anything think about letting go.

Once your timer or alarm has beeped you can get up and start your day.

Congratulations, you just meditated.

Now you are probably asking why in the hell would I want to do this? 

Taking five minutes out of your day to focus on yourself can make all the difference between keeping a balanced, level head and being a stressed out disaster.

I try to do 5-10 minutes on weekdays and 20-30 minutes on the weekends and believe me my home and the world in general are a much safer place because of it!!

Sitting still or meditation is also extremely beneficial both physically and mentally.

You don't have to don robes and go sit in a cave for three hours either. It's an accessible practice that helps us grow and begin to understand ourselves better.

Happiness is about finding balance. By taking 5 minutes a day to be still we begin to counter the effects of our very hectic, active, and stressful lifestyles.

So take 5, then 10 or maybe even 20 if you have the time. Stick with it for at least 4 weeks and pay attention to how you feel. I promise you won't regret it.

 

Life in OM: Who Cares?!

Ok, I realize it may sound flippant, insensitive, and detached but a lot of us would fare much better in this life if every now and again we gave it a big WHO CARES!!

Obviously I'm not speaking of the important things like your health, your loved ones or the environment.

I'm talking about the person who didn't park within the lines, the person who forgot to invite you to a meeting, and the one who left the coffee pot empty.

Honestly,  if you let yourself be affected by all these little things, you will be one big, miserable mess.

What's the sense in getting outraged by your colleague down the hall who didn't come by and say hello, or the not so nice email from a co-worker who was having a crappy morning or maybe even with yourself for eating a dessert at lunch.

Seriously, you have better things to do then to allow yourself to get stressed about these things.

I've even developed a small test for this kind of thing,  I call it "The 100 years test".

In 100 years I'll be dead and will it really matter that someone forgot to make a new pot of coffee - probably not so much!!

It's a great litmus test to see what you should actually be concerned about and what you can just give a big WHO CARES!!!! to.

Life is too short to let the little things make you miserable. Remember you create your own happiness and you decide what's important!!

Life in OM: Relationships

 

Original artwork "Love in Paris" by perfectpostage http://bit.ly/1BcIdb

 

During my hiatus, my amazing partner asked me to marry him in Paris, at the top of the Eiffel Tower at twilight. It was romantic and wonderful and I consider myself a very lucky woman.

At this point in my life, I've had some failed relationships (to put it mildly) and I've had tons of time to work on my relationship with myself.

All of that combined gives me a great feeling of confidence and satisfaction with the relationship I am in now. I by no means know it all but I know what works for me.

Finding "your" significant other can be difficult but in my opinion, making it last is where the real effort comes in.  So I took some time to think about all of the things I believe make a relationship work for the long haul:

 

Smile at each other.

Don't nag -ask.

Take a breath and think before you speak.

Listen with care.

Pay attention to the little things.

Say please and thank you.

Let some things go.

Give each other space.

Support each others endeavors.

If you can't trust completely - rethink the relationship.

See things from the other's point of view.

Appreciate what you have and stop dwelling on what you don't.

Be realistic (No Cinderella's here!) but don't take crap either.

Be patient.

Hug daily (if not more!).

Talk, don't yell.

Honesty, honesty, honesty.

You can never have enough relationship wisdom so if you have anything to share, comment below!

Life in OM: Happy? Miserable? It's Your Choice

 

Life is unfair.

Really, it is.

The thought might leave you feeling powerless, deflated, defeated.

Never fear though, you have a power mightier than anything life can throw at you: the power of choice.

You can choose to react without thinking, you can choose to let something eat at you,  you can choose to become angry, you can choose to be miserable.

Or you can choose to stay calm, you can choose to take a breath and think before reacting, you can choose to walk away, you can choose to look at things positively, you can choose to find joy whenever you can.

Take a moment to think about all the things that weigh you down. Ultimately, you have a choice whether you are going to let them affect you negatively or positively.

Example #1, you're driving to work when someone cuts you off. They pull up next to you, screaming that you were driving too slow and call you a terrible name before driving off. 

You have the choice to scream right back, get completely stressed out, let it put you in a foul mood, and ruin your morning as you spend hours ruminating over the incident.  Meanwhile the guy calling you names has forgotten all about it.

Or you can take a deep breath, choose not to react, let him scream and yell as you drive off. You have chosen to remain calm, you have chosen not to let something so trivial effect your entire mind and body, you have chosen to walk (or drive) away.

Example #2- something a bit more tragic. You get dumped. You have every right to feel sadness, anger, betrayal...the list goes on and on. There are countless emotions you will go through and you need to feel every one of them. Remember that choice is not denial. We have feelings and we need to let ourselves sit with them.

But that doesn't mean we want to wallow in them. There will come a point where you will choose to become negative, choose to feel sorry for yourself, choose to mope around being miserable.

Or you can choose to move on, choose to look at the break-up as a positive force for change in your life, choose to let you inner happiness and self love shine through, choose to find someone else or not. 

Choosing to be your own source of happiness and contentment is not easy. You need to learn to not react to every conflict and that takes practice. It also takes some getting to know yourself. You need to be able to step outside your current situation and try to look at it from a different perspective.

The best way to start to do this is through spending some time just sitting alone, quietly, doing nothing but breathing, otherwise known as Meditation. I'll save Meditation basics for another post but for now just try to take 5 minutes in the morning to sit and breath without distraction.

Then start to pay attention. There are countless moments during the course of our lives where we can choose to make ourselves miserable or choose to protect our contentment.

You create and take away your own happiness, no person or thing can do that to you unless you let it.

It's your choice.